March 3rd, 2003

Dear Diary,

    I've been getting a lot of flack for having not updated my website lately. People can be so demanding! Don't they understand that I am a busy dog with things to do? I am extremely important! I am!

    Besides, Master Eric grounded me from using the computer after I went to visit a Jack Russell named Monty, and I peed on his Mistress's couch. I don't see what the big deal was. Monty peed on it first. I was just being polite. Further more, I cannot understand how prohibition from programming HTML is fitting punishment. I mean, if I am forbidden to use one form of communication, at least I should be given access to another. Next thing you know, I won't be allowed to growl at the high school children who smoke those fowl smelling little narcotics in my Poo Yard every Friday night.

    On the other hand, Master Eric is wiser than I, and I should trust his judgment, even if it seems riddled with unbounded puff-headedness and rampant stupidity to a humble little puppy like me.

    I miss Monty. We played a few times when Master Eric was in Guelph doing some play or other. Monty was six, and taught me some wonderful tricks like chewing sticks into little bits and swallowing them, and greeting other dogs by pouncing on them with a low and threatening snarl. Unfortunately, Monty was very fond of mounting me, and although I admit I am astonishingly handsome and my wry, yet jovial, countenance is difficult to resist, I grew weary of Monty- or Mounty as I grew to regard him- treating my hint quarters like a bilge pump. Such exuberant impoliteness must be a Jack Russell thing, for I cannot imagine we refined schnauzers behaving thusly!

   At least not without good reason.

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