Wednesday March 18th, 2003
Dear Diary,
I am deeply perplexed and disturbed. I have tried to overcome this feeling- this gnawing sense of impending unease, but to no avail. And, while I may be passing clever, and without intellectual peer in the canine community, I confess I have been trotting nonplussed in a fog of continued bewilderment.
About six weeks ago, my Mistress Wendy peed on a small white stick and no end of fuss has been made about it. I pee on sticks all the time, no one sends me cards in the mail, or bursts into tears and hugs me. True, when Mistress Wendy peed on her stick, a little red line appeared. (Being of the genus canine, and therefore colour blind, I know the line is red by hearsay alone, however I have no reason to doubt the veracity of this statement.) Furthermore, I strongly suspect the mystical appearance of said red line, is more a property of the white stick, than of Mistress Wendy's urine, as no red lines have ever transfigured in or about the concave porcelain thing in which she most frequently lays her mark. Besides, my pee has frequently caused the materialization of an ochre coloured splotch, and whilst these splotches may lack the razor sharp precision of Mistress Wendy's red line, the sheer multiplicity of them must rate at least similar merit! Mustn't they?
Stranger still, since causing the piddle-induced red line to transpire on the little white stick, Mistress Wendy has seemed lachrymose, wan, and unusually fatigued. She smells different and she pukes a lot. I mean, a lot. In addition, although I could not swear to this, I believe she is getting slightly more rounded in the lower brisket.
I'll have to keep an eye on this situation, but my startlingly evolved sense of intuition tells me that something odd is a foot.