All
About Me! All
About Me!
My name is Schubert Sonnyovich Potter-Woolfe the Schnauzer, number 434c767d24, Son of Sonny, Son of Representative, Son of Express Mail, Son of the Great & Fabled Kid Moody! I have a secret Dog Name, but it's a secret. And it's hard to spell.
I was born on a chilly December 21st, in the year 2001 of the Common Era, at Jukebox Kennels. I was the only male in a litter of five. Alas! My siblings are lost to me! I know not where they roam! (O sweet sisters! Where has the cruel fate taken you? Are you happy? Do you gambol joyously in fields of heather, and bravely hunt the enemy rat? Do you still suckle at the teats of Lola, our dam? I miss you, sweet sisters, and wish you well. Some day, we shall nip each others ears once more!)
My Master Eric & Mistress Wendy are the greatest owners in the history of caninedom! Their benevolence & wisdom & all around superiority is unsurpassed in the world. I worship them! I idolize them! I sniff adoringly at their shadows! They are my gods! My life! My passion! And my benefactors! I love them unconditionally! My whole being is to serve them! Yet sometimes I am bad. Why?
Sticks are my enemy. They must be destroyed. I know not why. Yet I know it is true. I believe they are in league with the evil Vacuum machine, which my Master Eric & Mistress Wendy sometimes lead through the house as it sucks, & growls & spreads its evil through our den. My Master & Mistress are nearly omniscient, yet why can't they smell it's perfidy! Next time it comes around, I won't just bark & swat at it, I'll kill it. I sink my fangs into it's long & coiling rubber neck! I swear this! I will!
I am a Schnauzer, bread to hunt and kill sewer rats. I've never actually seen a rat. Or a sewer. But I know in my heart that they are worthy of death. (Fear me, Vile Rats! If ever I catch your scents, your dastardly days are through!)
I am a Graduate of The Scarborough Dog Training Academy! I was only five months old! & yet I received the mark of Very Good in all subjects on my final exam, save for Sitting & Staying. In that Subject, though I was but a callow pup, my mark was listed as Excellent! But, what do they expect! Am I not descended from the Illustrious Kid Moody!
I am not just a dog, I am a Schnauzer. & I am not just a Schnauzer, I am a genius! Someday I shall even be worthy of the love my Mistress Wendy & Master Eric bestow upon me! (O Far Off Day! Shall such Worthiness ever come?!)
